Let’s talk about the thing that no one really wants to talk about… Divorce.

We all know someone who has had a divorce, or maybe even someone who is currently going through one. They say it’s like a death; really it is,  no matter how nonchalantly you as an outsider feel the person took their marriage. It was still something that they entered into fully expecting it to last forever; they promised their lives to someone until death, when they said "I do", they fully meant it. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, but for the most part this is how I see marriage/divorce, marriage was the birth, and divorce is the death.

How do you treat a friend who is getting a divorce? The same way you treated them when they were married (duh).

Recently, Ray (names have been changed) asked me if I had spoken to our mutual friend Jim lately. I told Ray that I hadn’t heard from Jim in a while, and that Jim actually wasn’t returning calls. Ray then suggested I ask Betty (Jim’s soon to be ex-wife) what is up with Jim. This caused me to look at Ray as if he had just suggested I stick my hand in a fresh steaming pile of poo. Really? You want me to ask Betty about Jim’s whereabouts when they are going through something so emotional, and no longer living together? That’s crass? Isn’t it? I mean I know there are no hard set rules to things, but when this happened I felt like there should be some. Are people in general really so immune to others feelings that Ray would think this was at all okay?

So, here are a few I thought up off the top of my head.

11.  Do not ask the divorcees about each other, it’s probably on their mind a lot anyway and you need to let them work their new life structure out alone. Don’t pollute it with questions about the ex.

The exception to this rule is: If they bring the ex up in conversation, then it’s okay to go along with it.

22.   If they are venting about their ex “He/she is a giant flaming butthole.”, you should agree with them, if you can’t agree it’s probably best to just do the head nod. Your friend needs to pass the five stages of grieving (denial and isolation, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance).

33.  Because the fifth stage of grieving is acceptance and many people go on to be good friends after a divorce (especially when children are involved), it’s best to only agree, and not join in on the anger stage. Remember, when they’re done sorting out their feelings you can’t take back calling their ex-lover/new friend a slime infested rat trap.

44. This is the most important rule, just be their friend. They’re going to go through a lot of stages, and maybe even seem like a different person, but if you really love them, if you’re really their friend, you will let them do this and love them all the way through it. 

I’m no expert on divorce, or feelings...

This is in no way meant as a hard set way you should do things. It’s all just my opinion, and how I go about things in my life with my friends. This is my disclaimer, if you follow this and things don’t work out for you that’s not my faultJ

It's not really "a thing", but darn it, it's "my thing"!

This is me not managing my time. Does anyone else have this problem? I see a pile of things in front of me, I know full well they need to be done, and soon. But, then I just stare at them, then nerves set in, and then I feel the time crunch, and I FREAK OUT!

School, kids, housework, life in general. Maybe, I should give up my blog, which let's be honest isn't even really a thing. But, even if it's not really "a thing", it's "MY thing". Being the Mom of two young boys, with a busy husband means not much in life is actually “my thing". I have many things I do, but they're not usually "my things". Don't get me wrong I enjoy them, but I think for sanity as mothers we need to find a thing that is just "our thing", and hold on tight and don't let go. Sometimes "my thing" is the only thing keeping me from crossing over to the dark side (I've been there, they do have cookies, but they're not that good). 

I guess what I'm saying is that I know I as a Mom feel judged constantly, it's our society. I think until we as a community of Moms take a step back and stop being so over critical it's always going to feel like we're being judged by our peers. But, even when you're feeling judged, even if someone out right says maybe you shouldn't do "your thing" anymore, this is when we need to stick up for “our thing” and ourselves. Just say NO, Say this is mine! This is the one thing in the world I don't share with anyone, the one thing I get to call my own, the one thing my kids can't poop on, the dog can't pee on, my husband can't accidentally break. This thing that is my own helps me hold on, be it ever so gingerly to the small thread of sanity I have left.  This is mine, and it's staying. 

If your thing is gym time, don't let someone guilt you out of it. Your kids are going to be just as messy, happy, or sad, as they were when you get back from the gym in an hour. If it's crafting, go ahead and cut and glue all that paper together. Go ahead ignore the world for an hour, or two, or three. Who cares if it ends up in the recycle bin when you're done? If you like to run off and take photos alone, do it. Want to lock yourself up in the closet  and apply a full face of makeup, and do your hair and then spend the rest of the day in your pajamas, DO IT! If you must vegetate in front of your television for 3 hours and catch up on Grey's Anatomy, YOU DO IT (but keep your mouth shut because I'm not caught up)!

It's taken nearly six years to learn in order to be the best Mom I can be, I need to keep something that is just for me. It doesn't make me a bad mother or wife; it makes me a better one. The one thing that is "my thing", allows me the sanity to suffer through a 20 minute argument over who the blue Lego belongs to, even though there are clearly 30 other identical blue Legos sitting on the table in plain site. It grants me the ability to not cry my eyes out when I'm at the end of the rope and my husband texts to say they're going into overtime. 

Having something for just me, that is just mine, that is not the clothing I wear, gives me the extra oomph I need to make it through this battle called Parenthood. I'm forever grateful for my children, and I know that one day I will miss these days with a fervent passion, and I will annoy younger mothers by telling them how quickly time flies. But until I miss these days, I'm keeping something just to me...and I'm not going to let anyone make me feel guilty about it. And you shouldn't either. 

So, I tried my hand at Background Acting...

I recently tried to finagle a way to see more of my husband who works in the Entertainment Industry. He was working on a show that was filming an episode near our home, and I felt like I hadn't seen him awake in months. There was an open casting call for background actors for the show and episode he was working on, so I submitted a picture. I really didn't think I’d be called but thought it was worth the shot. They did call back, and asked me to work the day. But, the location had changed to somewhere far away. I still agreed to do it; I mean a 12 hour paid vacation from the kids, YEAH SIGN ME UP! At least, that is what I thought at the time. 

                I went in not telling anyone that I was married to someone in the Art Department. I was under the impression I’d get to do a lot of sitting around, I even brought Dances with Dragons to finish while sitting around for hours. I didn't get to sit around! I was constantly moving and changing clothes and doing something called a WIPE. Not like wipe your baby’s butt, but walking in front of the camera...I think that’s what it meant.

                I got to dress up as a nurse and run a gurney with a camera man and his 300 lb. camera up and down a dirty abandoned hospital hall, OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. All the while trying not to kick the lead actress who was running in front of me and holding a full saline bag straight up in the air. No workout was needed at the end of the day.

                I got to meet some interesting people; some people actually try to make a living at doing background work. I don’t know how, $100 a day isn't very much money and not many things are filmed here in the desert anymore. I also got to put a face to the names I've been hearing the husband talk about for years.

                When they set me free from doing background I put on my regular clothes and finally got to spend some time with my husband. Even though it involved heavy lifting and running around a creepy, dark, abandoned hospital after dark, it was well worth those 4 hours with him.

                Will I ever try to do background acting again? Not unless it’s a favor to someone I really like. It just wasn't my thing, I didn't get to sit around, I never even cracked my book open. It’s a lot of waiting and redoing the same thing over, and over, and over, and over again, and again.  I’m also pretty petrified of being on film; I refused to even be sort of facing the camera the whole day. The thing made me nervous. I was petrified I was going to be that one stupid background person to ruin the whole shot, the whole day. Luckily I didn't. But, it didn't make me stress out about it any less.

                I've been instructed not to disclose the company, show, or location of the shoot.  Until after it airs, so when it actually airs I can say which episode and blah, blah, blah…I’m pretty sure though. That my face is not in any of the shots, my manicure, elbows, arms, and hands more than likely are all that will be seen. It was an experience, but not something I will ever do again.

                If you think background work is something you would like to try you can Google your area for local casting agents. I personally wouldn't pay a company to help you get background work, but if you want to I guess you can. You can also check craigslist for background work. 

Lies I was told in Beauty School.

Some people know, and some people do not. But I once was a practicing Cosmetologist. Having been raised in the beauty industry it just seemed like something I should do, that I HAD to do! I wasn't the best, and I wasn't the worst. Which was a feat considering my education, which was overpriced and underwhelming? I was told a lot of things that made no sense to me in Beauty School (BS) (hahaha), but I figured things held a different meaning for me and I understood parts of the business that even my instructors wouldn't. Why? Because, my Grandmother had her own shop for almost 50 years, everything I know about color I learned from her before I was seven. So, color theory class was BORING. But, to get to the whole point of this post. The biggest lie I was ever told during BS was that you should choose your stylist based on their hair, or their families hair.  For some reason this made sense to me for a little bit. My Grandmother was amazing, and she always looked impeccable(I wouldn't learn until later that to look this way she woke up 2 hours before everyone else and coiffed her hair and beautified her face then dressed to the 9's before cooking breakfast)! She also did my hair and my mother's for years and years and to be honest my hair never looked better than when my Grandma was doing it.

But, the reality of everything hit me after about 9 months of doing hair. I switched shops and worked with a friend from BS. We were both building our clientele then and had PLENTY of time to make ourselves look AMAZEBALLS! Her boys and husband had the nicest hair that side of the Mississippi. Then life got real, we got clients, we switched shops. We had no time! So, what am I saying?

Do not choose your stylist based on his/her hair, unless you're going to base it off how "not perfect" their hair looks. A stylist spends her day on her feet; there is rarely a break between clients. In the off chance she manages to get any free time, she's going to spend it trying to choke down some food, or to have a bio break. Also, it's rare that a stylist cuts and colors her own hair, so you're probably looking at someone else's work.

Do not choose your stylist based on their families hair. Some do like to spend their off time making their people look good. Others don't want to spend their off time doing hair, sure we love it, but you have to take a break sometimes.

Pick your stylist based on their clientele's hair. Its 2013 the majority of stylists have a portfolio; don't be afraid to ask to look at it before you go sitting in someone's chair. Supposedly, your hair is your crowning glory, be careful with it (even if it does grow back), choose wisely. And if you find someone you love who does a good job. TIP THEM!!

A normal tip is about 20% of your service; if there was shampoo girl/boy tip them separately from your stylist.

I even tip on horrible service, but just enough for them to know they need to keep working on their skills usually about 10%.

And above all remember your stylist is:

A Beautician, Not a Magician.

Be reasonable in your expectations.

No way that crap is true!

I think we've all done it in the wee hours of the morning. There we are diligently pinning away on Pinterest when we come across a pin that seems too good to be true. Recently, I saw a post about applying brown sugar water to your hair to straighten it without heat. My inner stylist called total bull crap, but part of me was like "OOO! That's awesome!". I clicked on the link and was taken to some site that had nothing to do with the pin. Spam (womp womp). But, me being me decided I wanted to try it anyway.

I have no link for a pin because I do not want to send you to any sort of spam sites. I googled brown sugar water for hair straightening and came up with a bunch of different Yahoo question pages. So, I took matter into my own hands. Here's what I did.

1. Microwave one cup of water for 2 minutes (I wanted it hot enough to disolve the brown sugar).

2. Add 1 tablespoon brown sugar and stir, stir, stir (I used light brown sugar and honestly do not know if there is a difference between light and not light?)

3. Pour into spray bottle.

4. Let cool.

5. Apply to clean wet hair and let dry.

I took a before picture yesterday so I styled my hair in the same manner that I did yesterday..which means I put some jumbo velcro rollers on the ends after my hair had already dried and walked around the house for 20 minutes.

Here is a  visual of the result:

The left is yesterday without brown sugar water, and the right is today.

Did it work? I don't know my hair has a mild almost invisible wave to it that I can usually brush out. So, while I can not attest to it straightening curly hair I can tell you that my hair seems less frizzy (not sticky), and a lot fuller! I have super thin baby fine hair and am balding so I was very pleased with how full this made my hair appear!

Have a pin you think is total crap but our still curious about? Let me know, I'll try it out and share the results.
Same goes for products. 

Russell Organics Argan Oil Review

Disclaimer: While I received this product at no cost, this blog post is not sponsored by the good people at Russell Organics (RO) and the fact that there was no charge to me for the product will not affect my view either way. Now, that we have that out of the way let's get to it :) 

As I said in my previous blog post when I received Russell Organics Argan Oil in the mail I was not really familiar with it. I had heard of it, it seems to be the new “IT” product for everything cosmetic and beauty. It is touted to be amazing for your hair, skin, and nails it’s a triple threat, so I was excited to use it. Thankfully, RO was kind enough to include a USP sheet and advice to start out small.

Russell Organics Argan Oil is:
Toxin and cruelty free, cost effective, versatile, convenient, and best of all Vegan!
While I do eat meat again now, I have always only used Vegan and cruelty free beauty products so this makes me very happy!

After I tore into my package and read everything I was excited to use the Argan oil, maybe too excited. I did not at first heed the warning to start out slow with a few drops to see how much my hair, face and nails actually need. Once I got over my excitement I adjusted. My face only requires two drops which means  this 2 oz. bottle is going to last me forever! RO argan oil is scentless, which I love! C over at C Takes On turned me onto coconut oil and I love it but the smell gets to me sometimes.  So, the fact that RO argan oil is scentless really impresses me and makes me very happy. Along with being scentless it is really great for moisturizing my parched skin out here in the desert. I got this just in time for the start of the really dry season here in the desert. Which means dry chapped skin if you do not stay on top of it. I have been applying the argan oil not only to my face but also to my hands, arms, legs and my elbows! My elbows are prone to become really dry and gross and cracking no matter how much I exfoliate and moisturize. With the RO argan oil I haven’t had a problem.

I have also been using it on my lips; this was not a suggestion on anything I read, my lips were just really dry and my normal go to wasn’t working out for me. I would just put a few drops on my finger whenever I went by my beauty cabinet and rub it into my lips. The bottle says organic, it’s 100% argan oil,  no fillers and no additives so I wasn’t worried about ingesting anything I shouldn't and I’m alive with soft, subtle lips so it was worth it. I am thinking of actually getting a flavor oil and making a gloss, since it’s an oil it does live a light shine to your lips and I like it! I just like my gloss to has a flavor.

 Let’s get to the hair!  First, you need to know that even though I’m a second generation cosmetologist and I know all the right things to do to be nice to my hair and make it beautiful genetics and my own addition to the blower dryer have rendered me with thin, damaged hair. For the last few weeks I have put my beloved coconut oil away and have not used it in my hair. I have been shampooing and conditioning with Suave Sleek, because I know it’s not doing anything amazing to my hair and I can see the results of the argan oil. Since my hair is so thin it took me a couple of tries to figure out how much was just enough argan oil for my hair.  In the end, my short thin hair only requires 6 drops anything more and I get a “greasy” look. Take your time figuring out what is right and be patient because the results are well worth it. My hair is mostly damaged because I like a sleek smooth straight look, which I achieve through daily blowouts (bad). With the argan oil I’ve been able to take my own advice and not blow dry every day. I can let my hair air dry and actually go out in public! No heat, no problem.  My normally frizzy air dried hair looks like everyone else’s normal air dried hair. This makes my life as a Mom so much easier! 

Now for your nails, I do not think I could find a better cuticle treatment. I am a busy Mom, and very mean to my hands. I try to be kind and get a manicure once a week, but sometimes I just cannot make the time. My cuticles are very much neglected most of the time. I started applying one drop of RO argan oil to every nail bed every night. I have had less hangnails and have noticed that my hands are the softest they have ever been (even softer than when I coat them in coconut oil, seriously). My nails even seem stronger,  I can’t say if that is 100% the argan oil since I have been sporadically taking a vitamin for my hair. But, since I am taking the vitamin so sporadically I do think the argan oil has more to do with the sudden health of my nails than the vitamins.

This product is versatile and has earned a spot in my beauty cabinet. 

Here is where to find this product.
It comes in two sizes, so if you don’t want to commit to a 2 oz. bottle try it out with their 1 oz. bottle first.
Russel Organics Argan Oil 1 Ounce
Russell Organics Argan Oil 2 Ounces

Before and After Pictures

On the right I have Sephora Nail Stickers on, but you can see my cuticles look so much better! 

The before and after of my face aren't really telling, but I think the hair speaks for itself. Again, that is without the use of a blow dryer or any other styling tools. I just applied the Argan Oil, combed my hair and let it air dry. 

Tips:
When applying argan oil as a smoothing agent after styling use a couple of drops in the palm of your hand, rub palms together and then apply first to the underside of the back of your hair, and then to the ends and lastly at the roots to prevent flyways. This will prevent you from overdoing it and creating a greasy look.

Apply a few drops to the pads of your fingers and massage into scalp before you go to bed every night. A healthy scalp promotes healthy hair, scalp stimulation is great for a healthy scalp :) 

Apply the argan oil to your nails and surrounding cuticle before applying polish, go over the nail bed with a q-tip before applying polish. This way once your nails are dry you just wipe away the oil and mess ups. The bonus here is your conditioning your cuticles while protecting them from a messy polish application. 

Have cracked heels? Add a few drops of argan oil to your favorite thick cream moisturizer and apply to heels before bed and wear thick socks to bed. Wake up in the morning to baby soft feet.

Clinique's Even Better Clinical Dark Spot Corrector

I had meant to review Clinique’s Even Better foundation, but after a horrible break out I decided it would not be fair to review this product. I have somewhat sensitive skin, and am never really sure what is going to set it off. In this instance it was Clinique’s foundation, amazingly the Clinique’s  Even Better Clinical Dark Spot Corrector did not cause a break out. So, I will sing to you its praises. I have no real before and after pictures to show you because everyone claims to not see my melasma (a darkening of the skin on the face). My melasma is just above my lip and on my upper left cheek, and terribly embarrassing for me I feel like I have a mustache when I don’t. But,  apparently it is invisible to the rest of the world, or everyone I meet is too kind to agree they see it.

I used the Clinique Even Better Dark Spot Remover for 4 weeks, because the package said this would allow me to see optimal results. I did! I was so excited as I watched my face brigten and my melasma fade, it’s still visible but much less noticeable without makeup. It has a hefty price tag though at nearly $49 a bottle it can take a chunk out of your wallet. I am grateful for gift cards; because I am not sure I would drop that amount of money on it for myself.