Okay, so what's more cliche than a New Year's resolution? Nothing. Yep, nothing! Not everyone partakes but a lot of us make all these plans. New year, new me. We work really hard at it, then around February, we abandon our plans.  Why? I honestly have no clue. Maybe we are lazy, maybe we realize we were okay to start with and don't need to improve on ourselves. More than likely life just gets in the way.

So, what are my plans for the new year? One of them is to not let life get in the way of my plans. This could be futile but I'm going to attempt it anyway. I spent the last year recovering from a sudden and unexpected divorce. I rebuilt my life. I went from a SAHM to a working mother. It was hard, and I let parts of my life fall to the wayside out of necessity. But, Now that I've got that part of my life under control it's time to focus on the rest of me.

The first thing is, of course, my body. I'm a woman born before 1980 no matter how hard I try to deprogram myself from equating my looks and waist size with my self-worth, I just can't seem to 100% follow through on that. And I'm at the waist size where I shouldn't. In my head, there is self-love, and there is being healthy. I'd very much like to be at a healthier weight, with a cleaner diet. So, January 2nd I'm going back to taking care of my body, both through diet and exercise. I refuse to give up on that until at least May:)

Secondly, I'm going to work on loving myself regardless of what my self-doubting brain tells me. I'm an amazing person on paper. In my head, not so much. I'd like to realize, truly realize what an awesome person I am. To do away with all my self-doubt. Okay, not all of it but the majority of it.

Lastly, I want to write more. I need to write more. I truly find it all therapeutic. It's one of the few things I have total confidence in myself about. I mean not everything I write is amazing. But, most of it is pretty darn good.  Plus, I started this blog thinking I would update it much more often than I actually do. I will be shooting for a post a week. An actual more than five paragraph post once a week.

What are your resolutions? Do you even have any? Does making them just set us up for disappointment, or is it a yearly test of our will. Proving that the majority of us have none? Whatever it is. I've made mine, and I'll attempt to keep most of them. 

It's not the lie, it is the fact you think I'm dumb enough to belive it.

I am a pretty easy going person. I'm also loyal to a fault, and the one thing I am more than loyal is honest. So, I don't understand dishonesty. I actually loathe liars. I can forgive most transgressions against me, because we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. But, I can't bring myself to forgive a lie.
For two reasons, which both really come down to someome underestimating me. First, you're not telling me the truth because you think I can't handle it, or you think I will be so hurt or angry I won't forgive you. That stings. I believe I am a good person, with a good heart. I am far from judgemental, and when hurt I heal quickly. Please don't think I can't handle the truth, if you do, you're wrong. Second, you think I am dumb enough to not realize you're lying. I am far from dumb, and I know you're lying, but I'm gonna let you hang yourself.
I will play along with a lie for years. It starts out with me wanting to give you time to come clean. But, when you don't it builds into anger. Which is bad on my part,  because now I am the liar. I am working on calling people out on their lies. But, historically I've let the liar keep thinking I believe them.
The knowledge of the lie and resentment of the lie start with a small fire somewhere deep inside. This slowly builds into a raging forest fire that I cannot control. My anger comes out sideways. The liar eventually thinks I am not only dumb enough to believe their lies, but also a total raging psycho. So, you see lying is dumb.
If you feel like I have misplaced anger towards you, it's because I know you're lying to me and I've been waiting for you to come clean. The sooner, the better.

My motto in life is "Don't be a dick!" Being a liar is being a dick, don't do that dudes.

An Open Letter to my Ex's Exes

Dear Ex of my Ex,
Why are you contacting me when your relationship with him ends? I'm very curious, because this is something I've never done. So, when you reach out to me; I'm confused, lost, and more than slightly annoyed. I'm not the ex whisperer. I can't help you get him back, don't you think if I had that ability he'd be mine again?
I also refuse to have a bash party with you about him. There is no ex wives club, and if there were you wouldn't be invited. You never made wifey status, I did. I'm also not the type of person who talks shit behind someone's back. If someone has angered or hurt me, I just tell them. If you have something to tell him, TELL HIM, not me!
I'm sorry you're hurting, I really am. But, talking to me isn't going to help you. While, I may pity you I don't really care he dumped you. He and I are divorced, I'm not responsible for his choices. If I'm being honest(which I always am) I find your whining about the end of your 3 month relationship with him somewhat pathetic. I was with him 10 years! When he left I didn't message his exes looking for help, or to bitch. I looked to my friends for support, I put my big girl panties on and I  moved the fuck on with my  life. Follow my lead Ladies and do the same.
I have the great honor of holding Baby Mama status, I'm currently the only one. That means I'm not going to talk smack about him with some strange lady, who in the scheme of things was barely a blip on the radar. You're contacting me thinking I'm going to speak negatively about the Father of my children. I will never do this with you. That's my kid's Dad, and I'll defend him until I die. He's a good Dad, and I would never disrespect my children by putting him down with you.
For those of you who think our experience was the same. Again, 10 years ladies. I was with him TEN years. Your experience is not like mine. Even if you had been with him ten years our experiences would not be the same. You're not me, and he isn't even the same person I was with.
People change. He and I are not the same people we were when we were together. Not only that everyone is someone different to different people. You more than likely saw a side of him I never did. Just as you will never see the person he was to me, because you're not me. The dynamic between he and I will never be the same one he and someone else will have.
My advice to you, don't contact the ex. You may think it will make you feel better. But, you're just robbing yourself of precious healing time. Do not do that to yourself. You deserve better from yourself. I promise you, I am right on this.
I'm never going to do or say anything to rob joy from my children's father, my kids deserve a mother who respects their father despite our differences, and that's what they're going to get.
If you think I won't tell him the minute you contact me, you're wrong. He will be the first person I tell. For two reasons; the first being I would want to know if someone was talking shit about me. The second, I'm hoping he still has enough pull with you to get you to leave me the hell alone.
I don't want to hear about your relationship with him, that's none of my business. Plus, hearing about it hurts me. What kind of person wants to make a stranger sad? He and I may be over.  But, I'm still raw from the divorce. Hearing about him being with other women still stings. I'm moving on, but I still have a heart.
So please, don't contact me. I'm not going to help you. I'm a good person, but not Mother Teresa good. I honestly don't care that you and he ended. I'm sorry for your sadness, but only because I'm a decent human being and I hate seeing others hurt. But, you're a stranger to me. That's how it should stay.

Yours Truly,
The OG Ex