I woke up way too early this Saturday, and since I have no car and the kids were still snoozing I decided to watch a movie. I'll admit I only picked What Happened to Monday because the woman on the cover looked a lot like Kat Von D, and I wanted to see how bad it would be with her in it. Turns out it was not her, it's Noomi Rapace. She only looks like KVD on the cover art. In the film, she looks nothing like KVD. I had to google Noomi, I didn't recognize her, I also didn't really recognize anything on her IMDB. But, anyhow back to the movie.

This is the cover art on my laptop Netflix,
it looked even more like KVD on my big TV.

What Happened to Monday is a dystopian thriller set in the future, 2073. A future in which the human race has decimated their food supply and is grossly overpopulated. A scientist comes up with a new way to create food, this Frankenstein food has some not so great side effects; birth defects, and multiple births. Nicolette Cayman a political figure played by Glenn Close creates the one child rule to ensure the safety of our future. The second child born is called a sibling (crazy unique I know). Siblings are sent to a cryogenic lab and frozen, to be thawed out sometime in the future when everything has been "fixed".

What Happened to Monday from 2053 -2073, it was bleak and gray, with no flying cars. The creators took a play from Minority Report  and used hand controlled screens. Mirrors in the future will scan you and tell you how terrible you look in medical terms. Noomi plays the Settman Siblings. The Settman siblings are septuplets whose mother died during their birth, and their estranged Grandfather ends up raising them, in secret of course because of the one child rule. Grandpa names the septuplets after the days of the week since there are seven of them.

Grandpa raises Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday in an old apartment. When they are around 10 he creates an identity for them Karen Settman. Since they are identical in every way the siblings each play Karen on their namesake day. They have special bracelets that track and record their day (everyone in this future has them). They have an end of day meetings to review what Karen did that day so that the next sibling isn't lost on their day to be Karen.

All seems fine and dandy until something happens to Monday, then shit hits the fans and gets crazy! Noomi Rapace is as talented as she is buff (and holy hell this lady is ripped). The effects needed to pull off one woman playing 7 characters is equally impressive. It was pretty seamless and my suspension of disbelief was not interrupted by any flubs, or apparent CGI or green screen. It was done really, really well.

There was so much action in this film, and the Settman siblings' ability to think on their toes in a crisis situation will make you want to be their best friend in case of an apocalypse. If you can't have them maybe make friends with Rapace because she looks like someone one that would totally come in handy.

Finding out what happened to Monday wasn't predictable either, there is a WTF moment, and it was grand.

What Happened to Monday is currently streaming on Netflix.

Noomi Rapace played the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo which I never read, but after seeing What Happened to Monday I think I will. 

Apparently I live in an alternate Universe where Monday comes on Friday.

The good news is I'm still alive and breathing, and so are my people. We're all currently fully intact.

The bad news is my dishwasher, car and oldest kids ears are all not working properly.

It was like the worst game of Dominos ever, the dishwasher took a crap, then suddenly the car wouldn't start, then the school called. All BEFORE NOON!

I took my dishwasher apart if you've never done that, you should just to clean all the things. I put it back together and ran it on rinse, it still refused to drain. Now I have vinegar and baking soda trying to eat the clog out. Google said that would fix it. I hope Google is right on this one.

While my house fills with the stench of vinegar I'm waiting for a mobile mechanic to show up and look at my not running car. I hope it is something cheap and easy. If not I'm selling that beast and getting a basket for my bicycle.

My son's ears will be a wait and see thing. He is allergic to basically everything in the environment and has not yet mastered blowing his nose. So he gets a fluid build up in his ears, and then infections. I am hoping this is just a fluid build up and it will drain and take care of itself with rest. But, I still had to walk over to the school and get him.

But, you know even with all the crap raining down on me, it's FRIDAY! I know things could be worse, and I'm grateful they're not.  I already had a good cry and freak out, and I'm sure when the mechanic gives me the news I will have another good cry and freak out. Then again another if the dishwasher won't drain.

I'd hoped to go hiking tomorrow, but with the luck, I'm having I should just maybe just stay home. 

I tried out DirecTV's new streaming service DirecTV NOW

We have been cable free for over 5 years, I love the money we save but I do miss cable TV. I miss watching live. I do not miss the bill!

This past weekend (8/5) I was playing with the Roku remote app on my phone and some how I stumbled upon DirecTV Now.  I had no idea what it was but decided to give it a look.  It promised 60+ Live channels for $35 a month (Live A Little package) and no contract (they have three other plans, we went with the smallest). That's right NO CONTRACT! They have premium channel add ons. I added HBO because GOT for only $5 a month. I was paying $15 a month on Amazon Prime for HBO, saved $10! I don't know about you but I like saving money.

The best part was they offered a 7-day trial, which is good because maneuvering inside the app on the ROKU was confusing to us. Maybe it's because we've been without cable for five years, I don't know. On day 2 of the trial, I canceled my order. Then on Day 3 once I had figured everything out I was trying to reorder, but I had to wait until my trial was over to reorder.

It won't let me stream on my HP Chromebook. It states "It looks like you're not using the right browser. Don't sweat it, you can stream on Google Chrome 50+, Safari 9+ or Internet Explorer 11+ (on Windows 8 and up). My Chromebook says I am using version 60 something, so that isn't rad.  I also can't use it on my old Roku 2 XD. So, before you get it you may want to check and see if your equipment is compatible. Also, I can't even open my account on the HP Chromebook, I have to use my phone, and that is a pain in the butt.

As I am typing this I cannot get into my account at all. But, it is playing fine on my Roku. I'm still highly annoyed. Took a 2-hour break and managed to get back into my account, I can't renew my order until the billing cycle has ended. Which won't be until August 11th, which is when I will probably post this blog (at which point, these last two sentences will no longer matter, OH WELL).

The real test for me was Sunday for Game of Thrones, if we can't watch GOT on Sunday I will be sad, but I will wait. We will see in a few hours.

Sunday came and went, I watch GOT, not live as I wanted because I was at Target, but as soon as I got home on ON DEMAND. YES!!!  HOLY MOTHER OF DRAGONS BATMAN! That episode was nuts.

On Monday, I sat down fully prepared to watch Midnight, Texas. I went to the guide and flipped through the menu looking for NBC, which I had previously seen on their channels offered. NO NBC! So, I didn't get to watch my show live and tweet along with everyone. I had to wait until Tuesday when it aired on Hulu. That's a bummer. Hello, DirecTV NOW, please remedy this NBC problem for me (I tweeted out to @DirecTVNowhelp, so I'll update when I know why I can't get NBC).
*UPDATE*
NBC is not available in my area :( I asked why and there was no further communication.  To see if it is available in your area click here.

I got a notice that CBS will also soon be available on Direct TV NOW, but I am wondering if it will be regional, and if here in Arizona maybe it is not available. They might be expecting we can pick it up on antennae, and I actually cannot, so I guess we will keep Hulu for awhile.

In the email about CBS, it also said that you could use certain channels streaming now apps, so that's kind of awesome.

After my trial ended I went ahead and purchased another month. With tax, it was $40 something, which is not too bad. Especially since the trial got my husband and I totally hooked on Tyler Henry. 

Cluster Headaches AKA Suicide Headaches: I NEED OXYGEN STAT

I'm in the middle of a cycle, which makes me feel sorry for myself and wish I could find a hole to hide in until it's over. But, I'm a Mom we don't get to do that, gotta push on the best we can.

What's a cluster headache? It's a headache, think a migraine on steroids,  on one side of your head, usually near the eye. My eye usually swells, some people's do not. It can last from 15 minutes upwards to three hours. The kicker, they come in cycles! Lasting for weeks, months, sometimes even a year! I am lucky because my cycles usually last around 3 weeks. For awhile I thought I knew my triggers, now I think it's just bad luck. Because, I quit all the things I thought were triggering them, and yet they still come around.

Nothing really helps me, except oxygen. But, my insurance is being a real PIA about getting an oxygen tank. I'm currently debating driving 4 towns over to a place that I know has an oxygen bar. Just to avoid the hassle of going to the doctor. I know I need a neurologist, but my current insurance is quite honestly shit.  I've already warned my husband when the next one hits, he may be driving me to the Oxygen Bar. He's all too willing, he understands how painful these are for me.

This condition affects like .1% of the population or some minuscule amount like that, but because of the beauty of the internet, it seems like there are so many. Which isn't reassuring because you know they suck a lot, but there is still that comradery of "I get you". So, that is nice. I mean I guess, lol.  The doctor said more men are affected than women and a quick internet search says men are 4 times more likely to suffer, so I guess I could say I'm in a super selective club. I sure hope we get special lapel pins or a Member's Only jacket.

I've been getting these since I was around 18 and I have finally been able to narrow down some symptoms. But, I'm too forgetful to remember that's what they are when they're happening. UGH. DAMN ME! One of my eyes gets intensely blood shot the day before a cycle begins, usually, my left because that's the side they always happen on. Then my left nostril randomly runs, and I wake up really early the morning before on fire (which I always think is some sort of early menopause sign).

When they hit I feel like that little guy from Space Balls is in my eyeball. He's trying to burst out, while some invisible entity is squeezing the left side of my head trying to hold him in. The simultaneous crushing and bursting feeling are indescribable. I can't liken it to any other pain, I've had two c-sections and those were walks in the park. I'd take 5 of those over a cluster headache any day.  I have kidney stones too, and those are bad, but not as bad as my cluster headaches.




Then there is the day after, you just feel exhausted. It's almost like a hangover without any of the night before fun. Mine also leaves me with a mild all over headache the next day. Wah, wah, poor me, right?

I can not take very many medications because I am very allergic to most pharmaceuticals, so my go to when they happen is to place a frozen Waldo's Warmer (buy them here) over my face, and breath the ice cold air in the 4-7-9 pattern (this is good for so many things), until I pass out. I am crying the whole time, but it works. Writing it out sounds terrible, but I suppose I am just used to it.

So, now that this cycle has started I probably will not hit my goal to blog every day, because I am just exhausted, and anxious waiting for the next headache to hit me.

If you suffer from these, I want you to know you're a bad ass, and you're not alone (and you need to contact me so we can work on those lapel pins).

Book Lovers Day

I woke up this morning and as I sat and drank my lemonade collagen cocktail I said "Alexa! Good Morning." And that little hockey puck said "Happy Book Lovers Day!" she also said something about being able to give me a famous first line of a popular book, but when I asked her she said, "hmm, I'm not sure." She's the most annoying informative thing I know.

I do not read as much as I did before having children, but I remember reading multiple books a weekend as a young adult. I miss having a book hangover. Being so engrossed in the story, that when you finally finish you're sad and want to go back to that world.

I still read, just not as ferociously as I use to. I don't know if it's the dreaded Mommy Brain. For sure when they were little it was a lack of time. But, now that the kids are mostly self-sufficient I think it may be because I'm constantly listening for a child bomb. That moment all parents know, when it gets so quiet you just know something wrong is happening. Sadly, 99.9% of the time your parental instincts are correct. That's not conducive to reading.

Now, that they are both in school I am hoping to go back to reading more. After I get the house back to where I want it.

I have even already gone to the library and I have 6 books just waiting for me to sit down and lose myself in them. Don't worry books, I will read you. 

Depression and Social Media

I was laying down trying to meditate a panic attack away, it wasn't working. I started to think about depression, to try to keep my mind off my anxiety. I thought of all the people I know that have been diagnosed with depression, and it was in the double digits. I'm not talking about internet friends (even though I consider them real friends), I'm talking about in real life friends (IRL). Which made me wonder if those of us with depression are just attracted to one another, are we drawn to one another because we understand the indescribable feeling that is depression?

Then somehow like my brain often does, I  switched to thinking about Social Media. Are we better off having depression in the 21st century? Besides the obvious positives of medication, treatment, and the fact the even though there is a stigma attached to it, it is far less than it was in the past. Does living in a world so drenched in Social Media make life with depression easier? Or is it making it more difficult?

I can see the positive of realizing that you're not alone. You can google "I am so depressed" and the results are in the 100s, forums, blog posts, memes, news articles, essays all of the people in the same depression boat as you. Someone could be reading my blog right now and think "I get her." Every time someone famous dies Social Media is flooded with sadness and links to a suicide help line. I found out about the Crisis Text Line on Social Media, I am not ashamed to say I've used it and it helped me in a moment of sheer panic.

But, I can feel the negative side of having depression and Social Media. Because, depression has that weird way of saying "you're not worthy", you feel less than, so sad, like you're in a deep hole and the sides are slicked with Vaseline, and you have no arms, and you're blindfolded, and the ground is on fire. Everything seems so hopeless and you're feeling like the ultimate loser. Then you check into Instagram and there are all these people who seem happy, with these perfect lives, not stuck in a Vaseline soaked hole on fire. On Facebook, everyone is talking about how great this and that are, and you're on fire at the bottom of a hole you feel like you'll never escape.

The flames are licking away at you and you see your friend count, and you've never felt more lonely. You have all these contacts online, and do not feel like bothering one of them with the sadness that is you. That's a lonely feeling. The worst feeling.

But, in the same vein, we have this technology at our fingertips that allow us to reach out to people for help. It takes time to get to the point to where you trust someone enough to text and say "I'm in a dark place, please help me", even if you feel like you're a bother and not worth it, you are. Reach out, no matter how much it feels like you shouldn't, reach out, do it.  We have the opportunity to reach out at any hour of the day, we should use it.

So, I suppose what I'm saying is that while being depressed is as awful as ever, but we now have more opportunities to talk about it and seek out help. And no matter how bad Social Media can make me feel some days, I do see the good things it has brought into my life. Like my husband, but that's a story for another time.

My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, hello again guilty pleasure!

My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding  (MBFAGW) first aired in 2012, which happens to be the last time I had cable TV. At the time, I had a 4-year-old and a newborn, and at nap time when I should have been napping myself, I was watching MBFAGW. I am drawn to the different, anything that normal society deems as odd.

I hadn't thought of MBFAGW in five years, then I got a DirecTV Now trial, and TLC is playing MBFAGW nonstop! I had no idea it had more than one season! So, I must not be the only person partaking in this guilty pleasure. Somewhere out there other housewives are folding laundry and watching along with me. FIVE seasons have been made.

It follows Gypsy brides and grooms during wedding prep and shows the wedding and reception. I've been to a lot of weddings, but nothing like this. Everyone I have seen on MBFAGW follows the "GO BIG OR GO HOME" motto. You think you like bling? No, no you do not understand bling! You do not understand drama, you do not understand cleaning a home. HOLY BALLS! It's all kind of insane.

Gypsy brides choose insane, giant, shiny dresses. Who makes these massive glittering treasures? Sondra Celli, you can see her Gypsy Bling inspired album here. They're impressive, I'm not sure how any of them walk in them or even stay upright.

The weddings are equally extravagant, and the receptions are often drama filled. According to TLC's  portrayal, Romnichels don't like each other, even with their kin are marrying one another. It seems to be a huge Hatfield and McCoys feud. There is cussing, punches, drinks, and tables thrown.

Rominchel culture is portrayed on the show much like what the stereotypical red neck is portrayed in the media. The women cook and clean, and cook and clean, and I guess somewhere in there they will pop out some babies. The men make the money, party and fight, and party and fight some more. They also marry young and don't seem to go to school beyond the age of 15 or 16.

It's awful, and I don't know why I watch it. Other than it's mindnumbing and sparkly, I like sparkly. 

I want to live in a van, down by the river....

Just kidding, kinda....

Ten years ago when I met my husband, before we had children we had grand plans. Well, if you think living in an RV in L.A. is grand, then we were like the GRANDEST! We met while he was visiting Arizona from L.A. over the holidays. I was working in Arizona but wanted to move to L.A. to do hair and makeup. So, over a bucket of margaritas (it's a thing we bought a lot of back then) we decided that the cheapest way for us to move to L.A. and still be comfortable was to buy an RV and live in an RV until we retired, then we would buy a house (backwards much).

But, then we got pregnant and at the time I could not envision living in an RV with a baby, or living in L.A. with a baby. I  am from Phoenix and we have some traffic but I know L.A.'s traffic was 40 times worse, and I could not see driving with a baby in traffic. The RV life idea was quickly abandoned, as was L.A. We stayed in the Valley of the Sun, and eventually bought a house. After the second child and the second dog, we are back to wanting to live in an RV.

Are we insane? I mean maybe a little, but mostly we are sane. I am just ready to downsize and my husband the hippy is ready to return to his gypsy roots. Plus, after ten years of hard work he is finally where he wanted to be in his field. Which means he travels a lot for work for long periods of time. So, if we were in an RV we could follow him. Did I mention we decided to home school? HAHA!

Kids have changed me. I'm no longer this beauty obsessed shallow shell of a human. I crave nature! I no longer flock to people, I run very fast in the opposite direction of people.  I want my kids to experience the country, not just our concrete jungle corner of it.  I want them to experience all that they can while they still can. Because eventually they'll be grown up and the job they choose may not give them the freedom that their Father's job allows us.

We are giving ourselves a year or so to get going. Researching all the things that could go wrong. Finding the perfect vehicle for our life. I want a bus eventually, we have friends who have a Gilly and every post they make I drool in envy. But, as I am searching I am realizing an RV may be best for us to start out with. At least until we jump in and sell our house.  I think just as a life line we would like to keep our house. Even though the thought renting out our house is terrifying.

Also, buying an older RV to test it out will give us the freedom to come back home if we do not like it. Because right now on paper it sounds like a dream. Perfection. But, we are realists, it could suck so hard that we never want to even camp again.

Could you live full time in a home on wheels? Do you? Any advice? Horror Stories? 

"I can't tell when I'm talking, or when I'm not talking." ~Hank Marlow Kong: Skull Island

 Last week was weird for me. My baby went off to kindergarten and my oldest went back to school, which left me alone. Well, not alone my husband was off work too. It was the first time we had been alone together for longer than an hour in 10 years. It was the weirdest thing ever.

I am sitting here watching Kong: Skull Island (for the 2nd time, it's good), and John C. Reily's character Hank Marlow has been alone on the island for years and is having trouble interacting socially with people. I get him, I get him so hard. I think Hank Marlow is my current spirit animal.

We went shopping alone, there were no kids to tell "keep up", "Stop it" nothing. It was the weirdest thing ever. I am not even sure how to speak to another adult without a child present. I'm always just talking to other parents. Now, I can talk to non-parents. I can go to the gym every morning and not rush back to the babysitter when I'm done.

This is nuts. Totally nuts to me.

Next week should be better, I am refreshing my graphic skills for a new job. So, I will be more occupied, and maybe more learned in life without a child by my side.

Until then this is how I am feeling. Here is the whole conversation Hank Marlow had.

Hank: I can't tell when I'm talking, or when I'm not talking.
Victor: You're talking.
Hank: Really?
Victor: Yes.
Hank: I'm talking?
Victor: Yes.


Then he mentioned killing Victor with a knife but was only kidding. I don't feel him there. I am not going to stab anyone with a knife. I don't feel that lost and disturbed. Just not sure when or where I should be speaking anymore.

Happy Birthday MTV

MTV's first moments on air.  <~~Click to see.

I was 2 when Music Television launched, and it would be years before we ever had cable, and then I wasn't allowed to watch it because of my family's strict religious beliefs. But, I did sneak it. I was obsessed with seeing the story music tells in video form. I wanted to grow up and make music videos, or be a VJ. Martha Quinn and Downtown Julie Brown were my heroes.

This Week in Rock and Kurt Loder started my passion for wanting to become a journalist. To this day I still follow Chris Connelly's career.

MTV might suck now, but it use to be awesome.

They're supposedly getting a reboot, hopefully, the channel will revert to its youth. 

Betsy Brain Strikes again, and Brings Along Anna Anxiety.

I should be sleeping, but Betsy Brain keeps wandering back to 1999. Then invites her best friend Anna Anxiety to join in, and worry about events that are dead and gone.

I know you can't go back, and I had no intention of doing so. But, as I lay here listening to my husband and dog snore my brain suddenly screams "Remember that time in 1999, with those people and that thing happened?" Well, I do now heifer.

I don't know if those of us with anxiety problems are drawn to one another like magnets, or if we are simply a generation of worriers. Did our mothers eat too much bologna while pregnant? Inhale too much second-hand smoke. Why is overthinking the past such a huge problem for so many of us?

The people and situations my brain dredges up are a whole other lifetime for me. I am not in contact with anyone from that era in my life. 99% of the time when my brain time warps to some perceived unresolved problem, it is actually something very resolved. Or a total non-situation that Betsy and her bestie Anna  Anxiety are now fretting over and they're is in such a tizzy I am now riled up.

Betsy calm down, Anna go away! I yell out to them (in my head, don't want to actually wake anyone to help me), and then I try to distract them. But, Betsy is some sort of memory Jedi and worms my past into my present thoughts. Anna has no chill. Together we start to spiral, as I try to become the voice of reason in this insomnia inducing mess.

Betsy STFU, I scream on the inside. But no Betsy will not be silenced. The more I shh shh her the louder she becomes. Until she is so loud I can't hear or think of anything else. Then Anna places herself firmly on my chest, and her elephant ass is making it hard for me to breathe.

So, Betsy and I relive the past, and Anna comes too. It is a pointless exercise, that soon drops me into a full panic attack. I struggle to breathe, I sweat, terror grips me, and I want badly to reach out and wake my husband. But, Anna and Betsy whisper to me about what I burden I am, and I agree, so we continue on our journey into the past, and I struggle to regain the upper hand.

I start calling out objects in the room, tell myself I am okay. "Lies!" Betsy tries to scream, but now I have a slight handle on things. Deep belly breaths, in and out. I feel myself calming. Betsy and Anna bring back flashes of memories and I concentrate on moving my hand up and down with every breath. Anna seems to be less heavy, or she's moved. I try not to think about it and just concentrate on my breathing and moving my hand.

Soon Betsy is silenced, and Anna has left. but I wonder why they're so stuck in the past,  why do they want to make me their 3rd Muskateer? Why can't they leave me alone, and if they're going to visit why must they worry about things we have no control over? Why can't we worry about something in the here and now? Like, is the door locked? Did you close the fridge? Did you put the leftovers away? Mundane things I can fix at 11 at night. Not the past, not something done and over with, not something we no longer have control over.

Someday I hope to quiet Betsy and Anna. Until then I guess I will find solace in the fact I am not alone. Or, I'll stay up and worry about the fact that I'm not alone, and if the rest of you are okay.