I posted this to my Facebook page but I feel like it needs to be repeated on a more public forum.
With the recent suicide of Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington, I have seen a rash of "I am here for you" Facebook statuses. I get it you all really want to be there for someone in need. But, as a person with chronic depression and PTSD, I can not count how many times "friends" have not been there when I've reached out. In their defense often times when a depressed person reaches out it doesn't really seem like a call for help to the outside world. In our minds, we are screaming out for someone to please just help us. But, in reality, those screams are tiny whispers, easily missed by those around us. So, while it is sweet and kind you want to help, know that it takes more than just saying I am here for you. Because a depressed person's reasoning and way of doing things are far different than the everyday person's. So, what you're looking for isn't what we are going to do.
I am not saying it is your responsibility to be hyper vigilant about those around you. Just if you notice a friend acting even a little different reach out to them, ask them "are you okay?" Even if they say they are okay, persist a little, tell them "I care about you and I just want to know how you're doing, how you're REALLY doing." Because we are masters of disguise, and we really don't want you to know how badly we are actually doing. We will rationalize ourselves out of help because we don't want to be a burden, or we don't think we are worth it. Depression is a dark and twisted thing, it is not as simple reaching out for help and then everything is fine.
We often cry out in the dark, when we are alone, where we know no one can hear us. Not because we do not want help, but because we simply do not feel worthy. We already feel like a burden. We can appear like functional happy adults on the outside, on the inside we a broken masses of sadness.
And while I'm on this train of openness, for those of you who do not understand why someone with seemingly so much going for them would take their life. Let me tell you what you've probably already read a million times this week. Being so depressed you're willing to take your life isn't about what you have, or the good things in your life. It is about your inner turmoil, what you feel that no one can see. We can't control it, we can't "snap out of it", it is there with us almost constantly. For some of us, it is simply a part of us.
A lot of us have had therapy, take medications, and some of us haven't and do not take medications. Even people in therapy kill themselves, so there is no really clear way for me to explain to you what a person needs not to do the unthinkable. Because, when you're in that dark of a place you will rationalize how being gone would actually be better for those around you. Not in a pity party sort of way. You go imagine the people around you entire futures. Not just the aftermath of your death, but their lives without you in it. Sadly, often times that world will seem better for those around us if we just weren't around anymore.
I can't tell you how to stop someone from killing themselves. I can tell you that a simple status about how you will be there if they need you isn't going to do it. Because most of us aren't going to conventionally ask for help.
Be kind, be observant. We all tend to be wrapped up in ourselves some days. Sometimes you have to be the one to reach out. Because some of us are too sick to reach out for the help we actually need.
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