Okay, so what's more cliche than a New Year's resolution? Nothing. Yep, nothing! Not everyone partakes but a lot of us make all these plans. New year, new me. We work really hard at it, then around February, we abandon our plans.  Why? I honestly have no clue. Maybe we are lazy, maybe we realize we were okay to start with and don't need to improve on ourselves. More than likely life just gets in the way.

So, what are my plans for the new year? One of them is to not let life get in the way of my plans. This could be futile but I'm going to attempt it anyway. I spent the last year recovering from a sudden and unexpected divorce. I rebuilt my life. I went from a SAHM to a working mother. It was hard, and I let parts of my life fall to the wayside out of necessity. But, Now that I've got that part of my life under control it's time to focus on the rest of me.

The first thing is, of course, my body. I'm a woman born before 1980 no matter how hard I try to deprogram myself from equating my looks and waist size with my self-worth, I just can't seem to 100% follow through on that. And I'm at the waist size where I shouldn't. In my head, there is self-love, and there is being healthy. I'd very much like to be at a healthier weight, with a cleaner diet. So, January 2nd I'm going back to taking care of my body, both through diet and exercise. I refuse to give up on that until at least May:)

Secondly, I'm going to work on loving myself regardless of what my self-doubting brain tells me. I'm an amazing person on paper. In my head, not so much. I'd like to realize, truly realize what an awesome person I am. To do away with all my self-doubt. Okay, not all of it but the majority of it.

Lastly, I want to write more. I need to write more. I truly find it all therapeutic. It's one of the few things I have total confidence in myself about. I mean not everything I write is amazing. But, most of it is pretty darn good.  Plus, I started this blog thinking I would update it much more often than I actually do. I will be shooting for a post a week. An actual more than five paragraph post once a week.

What are your resolutions? Do you even have any? Does making them just set us up for disappointment, or is it a yearly test of our will. Proving that the majority of us have none? Whatever it is. I've made mine, and I'll attempt to keep most of them. 

It's not the lie, it is the fact you think I'm dumb enough to belive it.

I am a pretty easy going person. I'm also loyal to a fault, and the one thing I am more than loyal is honest. So, I don't understand dishonesty. I actually loathe liars. I can forgive most transgressions against me, because we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. But, I can't bring myself to forgive a lie.
For two reasons, which both really come down to someome underestimating me. First, you're not telling me the truth because you think I can't handle it, or you think I will be so hurt or angry I won't forgive you. That stings. I believe I am a good person, with a good heart. I am far from judgemental, and when hurt I heal quickly. Please don't think I can't handle the truth, if you do, you're wrong. Second, you think I am dumb enough to not realize you're lying. I am far from dumb, and I know you're lying, but I'm gonna let you hang yourself.
I will play along with a lie for years. It starts out with me wanting to give you time to come clean. But, when you don't it builds into anger. Which is bad on my part,  because now I am the liar. I am working on calling people out on their lies. But, historically I've let the liar keep thinking I believe them.
The knowledge of the lie and resentment of the lie start with a small fire somewhere deep inside. This slowly builds into a raging forest fire that I cannot control. My anger comes out sideways. The liar eventually thinks I am not only dumb enough to believe their lies, but also a total raging psycho. So, you see lying is dumb.
If you feel like I have misplaced anger towards you, it's because I know you're lying to me and I've been waiting for you to come clean. The sooner, the better.

My motto in life is "Don't be a dick!" Being a liar is being a dick, don't do that dudes.

An Open Letter to my Ex's Exes

Dear Ex of my Ex,
Why are you contacting me when your relationship with him ends? I'm very curious, because this is something I've never done. So, when you reach out to me; I'm confused, lost, and more than slightly annoyed. I'm not the ex whisperer. I can't help you get him back, don't you think if I had that ability he'd be mine again?
I also refuse to have a bash party with you about him. There is no ex wives club, and if there were you wouldn't be invited. You never made wifey status, I did. I'm also not the type of person who talks shit behind someone's back. If someone has angered or hurt me, I just tell them. If you have something to tell him, TELL HIM, not me!
I'm sorry you're hurting, I really am. But, talking to me isn't going to help you. While, I may pity you I don't really care he dumped you. He and I are divorced, I'm not responsible for his choices. If I'm being honest(which I always am) I find your whining about the end of your 3 month relationship with him somewhat pathetic. I was with him 10 years! When he left I didn't message his exes looking for help, or to bitch. I looked to my friends for support, I put my big girl panties on and I  moved the fuck on with my  life. Follow my lead Ladies and do the same.
I have the great honor of holding Baby Mama status, I'm currently the only one. That means I'm not going to talk smack about him with some strange lady, who in the scheme of things was barely a blip on the radar. You're contacting me thinking I'm going to speak negatively about the Father of my children. I will never do this with you. That's my kid's Dad, and I'll defend him until I die. He's a good Dad, and I would never disrespect my children by putting him down with you.
For those of you who think our experience was the same. Again, 10 years ladies. I was with him TEN years. Your experience is not like mine. Even if you had been with him ten years our experiences would not be the same. You're not me, and he isn't even the same person I was with.
People change. He and I are not the same people we were when we were together. Not only that everyone is someone different to different people. You more than likely saw a side of him I never did. Just as you will never see the person he was to me, because you're not me. The dynamic between he and I will never be the same one he and someone else will have.
My advice to you, don't contact the ex. You may think it will make you feel better. But, you're just robbing yourself of precious healing time. Do not do that to yourself. You deserve better from yourself. I promise you, I am right on this.
I'm never going to do or say anything to rob joy from my children's father, my kids deserve a mother who respects their father despite our differences, and that's what they're going to get.
If you think I won't tell him the minute you contact me, you're wrong. He will be the first person I tell. For two reasons; the first being I would want to know if someone was talking shit about me. The second, I'm hoping he still has enough pull with you to get you to leave me the hell alone.
I don't want to hear about your relationship with him, that's none of my business. Plus, hearing about it hurts me. What kind of person wants to make a stranger sad? He and I may be over.  But, I'm still raw from the divorce. Hearing about him being with other women still stings. I'm moving on, but I still have a heart.
So please, don't contact me. I'm not going to help you. I'm a good person, but not Mother Teresa good. I honestly don't care that you and he ended. I'm sorry for your sadness, but only because I'm a decent human being and I hate seeing others hurt. But, you're a stranger to me. That's how it should stay.

Yours Truly,
The OG Ex

No longer #MarriedToTheArtDepartment

My Marriage Is Over

When the Dad leaves...

I grew up in small military towns, and my whole goal when I reached dating age was to avoid all of the military people. Because, I didn't want to date one and fall in love and then spend the majority of our relationship alone. While I admire and am thankful for their service, that kind of life doesn't seem like something I would be strong enough to live in.
Fast forward to age 28 and I live in a big city, and I meet a big man, and we fall in love and we have a big baby. Then he begins advancing in his weirdo job, and we have another big baby, and then we get a little dog, and another little dog. Then his weird job takes him away for days at a time, then weeks, and now almost a month. Whoa, Life! I did not sign up for this crap.
I spent the last 26 days alone with my two boys. Let's not forget our beautiful dogs, Weirdo one, and Weirdo Two. 28 days alone with 2 kids and 2 dogs should be no big deal. But, apparently I'm having a mental breakdown. Everything seems impossible!! In hindsight writing this it wasn't that bad, but in the moments it was the worst!
The first week everyone was discombobulated. Everyone missed the Dad. There were tears, there were colossal fits, I may or may not have laid in the middle of the floor stomping my feet on the ground and flailing my arms. No one wanted to adult, and by no one I mean me. It didn't help that communication with the Dad was little to non-existent this time around. You don't realize you miss it until it's gone. You don't realize how absolutely sad and depressed you get when a piece of your puzzle departs to another state. It's weird how just hearing their voice seems to calm you but when you don't get to hear it, that's  when panic sets in, at least for little old anxiety riddled me.
So week one went by, and no one died. Then we had parent-teacher conferences, and no one died. Then I had a kidney stone. I was wishing I was dead. But, again, no one died!
By week 2 the old dog had given up all hope that the Dad was coming home. He finally emerged from his kennel and set about picking a new human. Around the middle of week 2 he backtracked on this thought and reentered the kennel, it is the end of week 4 and he still has not emerged. At least, not unless dragged from the kennel and placed outside to do his business. Then placed in front of food to make sure he doesn't die of starvation while his human is away.
Week 2 was also fall break. No one tells you the joy of spending 24 hours a day 7 days in a row with your children. These precious little beings that you created in your own body, are occasionally the thing of nightmares. These occasions usually occur on school breaks. But fall break came, and fall break went, and no one died.
I would like to tell you what happened week 3. But I don't remember. I honest to God do not know what happened to week 3. There was illness,  that's right that's what week 3 was; illness. Some god-forsaken virus that entered our bodies and created tons of snot and bad attitudes. This carried over into week 4.
Here I am week 4, day 3. What can I say about this experience? First off, no one is dead. So, there is that. Secondly, support is important when navigating Parenthood solo (don't be afraid to ask for help). I feel like this would have been easier in my twenties, before social media, before I could read on the internet everything I am doing wrong. But, in the end my children still love me, that's a win! Plus, not to be a repetitive...
 But, no one died.

4 more days to go.

Family Fun Night brought to you by Pure Flix

School has started, the season has started, and life is just very hectic once Fall arrives. I know for some families it can be difficult to come together as a family and spend good quality time together. In our house we do something called Bed-A-Palooza, this is where we bring all the mattresses into the living room, put on our jammies and spend the night just hanging out and watching movies. We watch movies, jump on the beds, eat popcorn, eat way too many Red Vines, tell stories, talk about our week, and eventually we pass out.

This week's movie pick was free thanks to Pure Flix and their 30-day trial (I had to set my account up online to receive the 30-day trial when I tried to do it from my Roku it didn't work, once registered online it worked fine on the Roku). Pure Flix is like Netflix, except it's all wholesome programming. Family-friendly movies and TV shows. I tried it out before family night and was pleasantly surprised to see a warning before the movie that the content might not be acceptable for some little people. We here are pretty liberal with what we let the children watch. But, they have a different understanding than most kids since they have seen their Dad making movies their whole life. Still, when I'm unsure I end up watching a movie before the kids to make sure it is safe for the kids to view, then if it is okay I'm really bored when I go to watch it with the kids because I've seen it already. Only certain movies are meant to be watched again, again.

What are your families favorite movies? Here we love Wizard of Oz, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the Guardians of the Galaxy movies.  These are movies worth watching over and over. But, Pure Flix gave us an opportunity to watch some new things, like Finding Normal.

Fun Facts:
Finding Normal is directed by the director of one of my favorite documentaries Brian Herzlinger (I hope I spelled Brain right). The documentary is My Date With Drew, it's great. My husband has had the opportunity to work with Mr. Herzlinger a couple of times. The second time I asked him to please get my copy of My Date With Drew signed, and he did! Being married to the Art Department has some perks.

Where The Red Fern Grows was filmed on property owned by my family. The preacher in the funeral scene is actually my Great Grandpa. So, when I miss him more than usually I can just turn on Where The Red Fern Grows and hear his voice again. It's something very special to me.

So, who is up for Bed-A-Palooza?

Fences Make Good Neighbors.

Just kidding, people make good neighbors. Duh!

So, a month ago a lot of things in my house broke all at once. I had a mini breakdown of epic proportions. The dishwasher, my car and then the kid's ears, ALL BEFORE NOON!

The kid's ears righted themselves with rest thankfully. The dishwasher ended up being covered by the home warranty, it took about 2 weeks to fix but we didn't have to buy a new one!

I was quoted over $600 to fix my car. This made me cry, like a lot, a lot, a lot! I didn't have $600 to fix my car, and I honestly didn't want to put more money into a car I had just spent $1200 on the month before. But, I love that car, it's an old Buick. My insurance is cheap, it's a land yacht so I feel safer cruising around town in it.  Since my husband was between shows we decided to just let it sit until we saved up the money to have it fixed. So, there she sat in the driveway collecting dust and bird poop.

Then for some reason, my husband asked our neighbor who is always working on cars if he could help us, he said yes! Just to order the part. Well, the fuel pump for my land yacht was $200 from the auto supply shops, we didn't have that. Back to just waiting. Then the neighbor called us and asked when we were going to fix the car. We explained we didn't have the part yet because we were low on funds. He said to check eBay, eBay is not what I think of when I think auto parts.

FIFTY-NINE BUCKS! That's how much I paid for a fuel pump on eBay. It took 6 days to get the part after I ordered it when the fuel pump came in we all went to the driveway to fix the land yacht. We took apart the trunk and removed the back seat. I'm short enough I fit perfectly in my truck in a squatting position. Which made replacing the fuel pump even easier.  I FIXED MY CAR for under 10% of what a mechanic quoted me. Do you know how Super Hero like that made me feel?

I'm going to bake so much stuff for my neighbor. I have my car back because he's awesome.

Robert Frost said fences make good neighbors, but I'm pretty sure it's people that make good neighbors and I happen to have the best.